Daze from days (journal extracts)

Daze from days (journal extracts)

Feb 1st , 2022
Unwritten too, somewhere, was a little piece of law. The definition of a good bastard. A hard-working tough as nuts Kiwi bloke. Fix anything for a song. Sort out the guts of a problem. Someone sweating the small stuff? I’ll help. Direct action. Straight down the highway (even though you know the backroads like…)

Or what about, what about the sense of permanence in those days, in those ways. Everything was so final and set in stone. This would be a fact for life you could’ve heard yourself say it… if you had noticed it. That one foot in front of the other walk up North Terrace on your way to school. Such timeless permanence, such pregnant culmination. And as we watch it through your eyes, the sounds and feel of people going about their day… making this, fixing that, growing this, reaping that… all with their families and hopes and dreams following there every movement like personal clouds married to the twists and turns of their existence.

Feb 10th, 2022
In these (uncertain times) when entire populations are subject to a pandemic, war, hunger and economic decline… where deep worries and concerns easily stifle the positive drive or spirit we usually think necessary for creative growth and development…. I’d like to say a few words about how our attitude towards creativity can correspond to our personal development, no matter what the situation of the world… or ourselves. 
This could even shed light upon that rocky road humanity itself is journeying upon… and help us to understand why we fuck up the way we do.
Art, matter what form is an expression or application of human creativity, skill, and imagination.
Be you self-taught… an outsider artist… marginal or professional contemporary…  You still have to contend with the challenges brought about by creative blocks Since childhood we have undergone many changes.
Physically, mentally, socially. psychologically… and so on.
Experience, circumstances, environment, thoughts and feelings…  All these factors contribute to us being or becoming different people, different individuals from that child, so many years ago.

Feb 14th, 2022
One thing though that I’m pretty sure has not changed…. is our sense of being, our sense of existence, our sense of ourselves.
That deep set feeling of presence we’ve always had.
In essence, I think we still feel ourselves to be that same person… even though on the outside we are far from it.
That timeless awareness is not affected by the million changes we have been through.
For the creative person too, I think the urge or sense of creative compelling was already set somehow in that far off time. Because I really believe that those fertile seeds, that original face of creativity has its roots in that unchangeable state of self.
I remember as a youth that I was very aware or unable to resist the need to create, to make, to form.
And this awareness sparked off an inner development that formed a belief-set that bordered upon a certain experience of…. immortality.
Death was not part of my agenda then… why should it have been? I was going to live forever; I had all the time in the world.
I think all children live with a similar, wonderful sense of permanence. Little did we know then that the trick to exposing truth and sincerity in creative expression is the realization of the total impermanence of all things… but that’s another conversation.

Feb 15th , 2022
And so… when I became a little older and felt myself to be driven ever more creatively, I began to dream and believe that somehow, I could make a difference, make my mark, prove my point, come to the forefront with what I had to say.
Nothing was ever going to stop me here; I saw no limitations.
So, the ego grew with the idea, the belief that I was unique and exceptional and couldn’t really avoid leaving the world in awe of my abilities, my achievements.
And this mad feeling of greatness went well for a while… until I began to face an outside resistance… better known as life… or reality… and I began to feel rather vulnerable and uncertain.
This story is not so unique though… it’s a healthy and necessary part of growing up…  isn’t it?
The trick being, to keep that belief or faith, that artistic expression is still your call… to find out there is always new stuff to learn, other artists to be inspired by, more means and techniques of expression.
So, you plod on, and your work becomes a part of the ups and downs of living your life… until, later on in years, there comes another time when you find yourself struggling to find that spontaneity and originality.
When things become mainstream, the flow of unconventional ideas dries up. Your motivation, your ambition, your belief… falters.

Copyright © Graeme Perrin 2023

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